creeping

Creeping
One silver charming night
It came along creeping inside out
It, he , she … came along creeping
With an antique brownish book on the shelf
It came along creeping
With a copper medallion on her breast
It comes creeping
With the glamour of her being the other woman
It will come creeping
With the disgrace of him being the other man
It creeps.

There is a shadow behind the show
There is a show behind the star
And there is a star behind the woman
But the star has it creeping inside
She saunters with a stuttering echo
Saunters rosing her entrance
But still it creeps
Inside, outside and all in between
She is so seductive it shows she s not real
The creeping absorbs her till she is not her
She is not
Is no
Thing

When he enters that gloomy heart of his
He tries to un-write their story with
Tainted reded pain
He unleashes her forbidden existence
But it creeps
Every single atomic being creeps
He know how she scented his soul
While painting his body
Still it haunts him creeping

They walk an un-padded ground of ambivalence
They creep over each other's lives
Leaving a scare on each witness of their love
They creep head over heals
They kiss, love and denounce the world creeping
In a dark alley of a dark beauty they fall
Apart, sending a hello so instant it’s a goodbye
He kills her creeping with a blatted knife
Caressing her dead body with a creeping kiss
He unsealed her life and creeps away
Creeps into his own nihility
Creeps.

smoke

I m losing myself to him. I am losing the essence of my being, I feel like a turbulence has taken over me and there is nowhere to go..no place to call home or even a refuge. He is so Manchu he can eat me up and leave the pieces to lay on the side of the road for everyone to see my remaining and what I once was. It's like I m fading away. I no longer AM. Maybe a creature of the underworld with no substance, with no entity and I have to break free, I need to escape his presence for what I am becoming…Smoke. Grey and wavering. I m not filthy, believe me I am pure and as they say there s no smoke without fire. Now I m not lost, I sneak around and maneuver my way. I feel whole again because there is no vacuum that can sustain me. Now I can experience a lot and say a lot and be a lot. I feel free and out of the mundane reality that everyone seems to be so stuck on. I preferably am a cigarette smoke. Every time someone puffs from his cigarette I circulate around her creating an aura of livelihood and a new kind of existence so vicious, so surreal and yet so true, you can try to touch me and yet I escape u to a present in another medium of another time. I was thinking about myself lately and I feel I m hot all the time; but the best thing about me is that I m not sticky. I am a lala rhythm especially from a cigarette where you can find a moral. I am created by someone who has a mood so intense he probably needs to get me out of his system. I reveal a different layer of truth and lies. I m created by a self destructive decision, yet so appealingly relaxing and independently stunning. I am the star of the show, never un-needed, never un-appreciated and usually set free to roam around the world without any idea of being belittled or smudged. I hate being smudged. And even when it turns dusty I AM again. I feel so original and worthy. From ashes to ashes and dust to dust. I am the ESSENCE. OH Gee, I am a master piece.

Dearest Goddess of the Earth

Dearest Goddess of the Earth
Sorry my little girl for not being around as I should…
Sorry sweets for forgetting about your needs
Sorry honey for not holding you in my arms
Sorry …please forgive me, I really need you
I need to feel alive again,
My youth is turning against me
Where shall we meet for reunion and nostalgia?
I have been very nostalgic about u for a while now
Remembering how u used to hold the world in your hands
And pamper its mysteries as if they were your own
You were very adventurous even in your own little mind
I can see how much I need you to get back there to the streams,
The well of my existence,
The shelter of my spirit
And the beautiful anguish of my soul
I know I regain you from time to time
Sometimes taming my wilderness into womanhood
Others leaving me to lean forward to the dangerous spasm of my youth
Now and then betraying you into stagnancy and stiffness of my fears
You treat me so well dear…you set me free only to come back to you
I spin round and round like a threat on a needle in hay but then and again
I feel your beauty creasing my every cell of joy and pain,
You are such a goddess in disguise you bring me down and lift me up again
You fool me into the danger of being me but I love you for that,
I love you, I love you and I love you more,
I thought I can lose myself to the world but I open my eyes only to lose it to you
You are my every fear and my dream and the deepest secrets of my desire
Thank you so sweetheart for loving me that much,
Setting me free only to regain me in the end,
Thank you sweetheart for cherishing me in your womb,
It might be just words but I give in to you so easily I m scared,
Protect me mama from myself,
Mama,
Sister,
Beloved,
Daughter,
Myself,
Dearest goddess of earth.

m nt an asexual creature

Round three years ago, i was almost dying...i had to have a surgery and i was 40 kilos unable to move or talk or even sleep without having my back straight up.
A couple of weeks after i finished my senior year at college i was hospitalized...one of the worst experiences i have ever had is that i had to stay on solutions injected into my intravenous and because i used to have so many shots eventually they had to inject me in my central line in my neck...i stayed in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then i had my surgery and after that i stayed at home for another couple of weeks in bed again i didnt eat or move and i had to steal cigerattes and bottom line it was a nightmare ... but truth is that i was alive and thankful I WAS ALIVE.. nobody i know appreciates this simple fact until something major happens to them or someone they love.
Maybe thats not relevant to some to what i m about to talk about but it definitely is relevent to me...six months before that i had just broken up with my boy friend because i had a severe depression and he could nt handle it... six months later again i met another guy whom i told him to his face that he s more likely a sex addict so for a whole year i was lamenting guys. A year later i was overweight, gaining and gaining weight because i have an eating disorder...that made my love life a huge problem...
i wanted so much to fall in love, date, have a stable relationship, kiss and stuff and eventually get married..
yet i had troubles with my sexuality...but i m not an asexual creature.. i had troubles identifying my needs, i had troubles thinking why i needed a man in my life... was it pure pleasure, the need to belong to someone, or just because that s the course of nature.
I had troubles thinking about what a man should be like with me...or what i should be like with him... should i be agressive, should i be sentimentale, i m very careing by nature more of a motherly figure, so i had troubles especially after gaining so much weight to identify my role in a relationship... can i have desires, can i be sexy...can i be wanted.
In the last couple of weeks i have been out of Egypt...Kenya and Canada.
I have started to feel alive, I have started to feel as a female I have started to be a sexual creature...specially that i have a special friend, someone who treats me as a girl, someone who needs me and welcome my needs, someone alive, sexy in flesh and blood.
I have lived through a lot and much more and i am ALIVE...
again after three years when i faced my death i feel alive... i am a girl , a woman , a needy clinging bitch , doubting as he says, will not stop until i get what i want... i am a sexual creature.