Sunday, May 8, 2011

when the wheels come down

When the wheels come down

There was clarity of an urge, for something, of apparent suicidal attempt, like a hanging laundry that flaunts its underwear in particular other than everything else and even her prayer gown…on her face. More likely in your face that attempt has been telling her over and over again, in your face I will be; not in the bottom of your bag, or the lingering flickering shadow of yours or even the prints of your footsteps, but in your face. She has a fear, a clear one of that urge, for split seconds she stands tall and refuses to cut herself, all the other long seconds of her days of the 60 seconds in 60 moments in 24 hours launching 86400 blunt raisers in her wrist minus few seconds of life. Those 86400 minus seconds she takes the blunt raisers and goes slowly towards her wrist and smashes a thin pink flesh and aahs and just moves on and comes back, over and over and over again. She licks the blood and chooses a long sleeve shirt and aahs and out she goes, in a mesmerizing state of ache. That's what she thinks this is all about, to be mesmerized with ache, to love the pain and love the painer. She relates her own inflicted pain with the pain of what he has done, how many moments have she suffered for him for what he has done to her, rapping her of her life and out of his he pushed her. Curtain he said and that was the end of it all, curtain he said and she was left in a casket in hospital room, curtain he said and he vanished like the dust in the wind. She is trying to curtain him but just cant. That moment was the life time to her. Just before the curtain, just before the ending scene; she thought that stupid girl that this was the opening scene, how dumb she must be and those gods must have played her stupidity for their own amusement, for the winner takes it all and the loser stands small. But then, when she really thinks about those gods they must be really amazed now that there is no winner, yes she is standing small but he is not standing at all. She went out of this ending scene with a limp but he is not getting out. He said curtain and left, where can she look for him is not an option, he is everywhere and nowhere, he is in the air, the sky, the fire and earth. He has casted a spell on her without even leaving her a mourning stage. He maybe the beast but definitely the beauty of the farewell. he existed her life in grandeur just like the entrance with a bombing and red war of lashes crashing on the ground, to each his own but not his, so grant and scattered…and she has limp with seconds out of the 86400 of her day.

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