Sunday, May 8, 2011

sunglasses in the mirror

Sunglasses in the mirror
Thinking of that rest at home she should get just by throwing her bag on the floor. Just getting that shower, should it be cold or hot, she never decides until she's actually in there. Thinking of what movie she should see tonight. Thinking of that cold AC she would turn on even though it's still February. Thinking of that new place she is at. Of her parents who won't speak to her. Of her office that she just started decorating. Of her new painted white life. But why did she think whit, ohh gee why white. Know she is just thinking why she chose whit. Because it's not tainted, it's dullingly babingly newingly white.
Setting her sunglasses in the mirror, are they right one for me, are they too squared, maybe too rounded, maybe too black. Black, if it's all white then why the hell she is wearing all black and don’t tell me because of that freaking meeting I was at, she thought. Adorable is that taste of winning them over with her charm; adorable is that feeling of being on top, especially of men.
Fine fine, she thought, the sunglasses are just good enough. Just one last look in the mirror and I will be on the right track of that bridge. IPod tuned, cigarette lit, and finally one last look in the mirror for that black sunglasses, just to make sure they are not see through.
Fuck!!! Is that really him she thought, noooo it can't be, he doesn’t drive the same brand as she does. Is that him, smiling at her? Keep it still girl she thought. Don't you dare smile back, it’s a no see through glasses he does not know you are looking at him, that's just a random guy; he is not him, that's not your boo, ex-boo I mean. Just keep it still.
Should I be lighting that cigy she wondered. Well he doesn’t know I'm back to smoking does he? I mean who would have told him, I don’t speak to know one anymore, yeah and her thoughts turned gray. I don’t actually speak to know one anymore. Well to hell with him I am lighting that cigy.
Fine by me, I will just drive and enjoy my ride. Who is she kidding, she is not doing that!!! If so she would be looking at the most elegant car to drive next too, preferably if a guy was driving. She wouldn’t have let cloud no. 9 be playing, definitely should have changed the song. She wouldn’t be putting the cigarette inside the car and not as usual flipping it in the air. She must have believed that it's him, that boo of hers. That mind of her is definitely playing games on her. Tricky tricky games.
He must be watching my every move now. He sees right through me. He just took another turn, why did he do that? Oh, where did he go that sun of….
He knows the way and he is going to surprise me by at the entrance of the house. He is going to get me flowers. He is going to propose. He must have seen right through my eyes, into the depth of my souls and knows how I'm dying to get married and over with. Opps did I say marriage. Did I betray the sisterhood of freedom? Did I just realize that I want to get married and have damn kids and a home?
She unlocked the door of her one room flat and through her bag and lay down on that gray sofa and sighed.
He didn’t see through me. I said to her. He didn’t see through you baby. He never did, he is not coming to propose he doesn’t know where you live now. He doesn’t know you left your house and got a home. This is your home. This is you seeing through those black sunglasses, he doesn’t ride that car, and in fact he doesn’t have a car girl. You just have to realize that all those moves you were trying to make are not yours anymore; it's been ages now dear. It is over. You see through you, I do, he doesn’t and never did; remember, never did and that's why you walked away. You said walk away, walk away and never look back. Now you see through you. I do. And this home isn't all white, and you aren't all black. You're just as pinky gray as the next time you're going to see a show.

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