Breathing You
As trust sweeps in as bid highest up- fidgeting to breathe, not to want what’s expected - to learn to breathe in …
To learn to grant to, sense a basics, and catch a fall … a new talent, exotic discovery, dreamlike, sigh …
Hearing shore waves swooshed with echoes of whispering door bells, heavy delusions from beyond closed doors for me…
I talked about you, prayed eagerly on a bed of empty stitches ...To me I said, to me alone hows, whys and whats... I heard me well, but as you were here, closing in, I was not, absent in my silent prayer taken in by you … breathing you
Truth…
And I forget, some bits here, some melodies there, games scattered, as it is you … But I'd rather miss your sight than your presence...
Feathered...wrinkled, denounced … all over…unhampered, un-tampered with...free and wholesome…
You are most present when you are distant, most alive when you are not around…
You need to have known, to knew, once I choose me. Once I do, if I so as never will I... you‘ll have to lose, chose to lose, for me you would, a thousand times more....
It’s not how I feel, what that brought out of me... It’s how what I feel, feels like now... What it’s turning me into…
That numbness...stillness... Mere fear of your weakness... of your vulnerability to the sweetening dirt over joyful lust…
We don't owe each other anything, but knowing where we stand…
I'd always trust your distance... Internal...Far, lonesome, un-daring, hundred times over their squeezed intended caring… I don't fear your choice, your neither closeness nor dissertation...I’m having you in dissolution...Once & forever brutally tuned in… I'd choose your solitude in greed, in blinded hovering ... Over and over a camouflaged cold giving… Static caring pulse…
Taming…
Your freedom...in your lightness, taking it all in but ain't getting it get to you...not in your cocoon, but mesmerizing serenity…
Point your finger with caravan of frets & shouts...Demand, but don't swift in careless acceptance, don't surrender to stagnant Okays…
That beautiful big pink elephant....
Forever gone, forever deranged, forever existing tormenting me in hail…forever is futile, forever stands still as parting we hopper to each one’s scarecrow’s wrench.
Neurosis and bit of sadness…
Smoked silliness…puked on garnish of pearls… I wait for your return…suffocating on all else but you, suffocating on all buttered breathes but yours, suffocating on all other stresses but your electrifying Lucifer hump… suffocating on all detoxifications,…suffocating on epic warzones…on mysticism… on an lying faked awe… of birth… to life… smearing a laugh… for a save to my aging sickening acuteness…suffocating on my shortened, heavy, weighing down, smelling breathes, evacuated from you…
Come… come again, with escaping dementia, to hunt…to spook… As you are… abrupt, monotonic, and inconsistent… squirreling, twirling, and cleansing…
Trusting your genuine insanity, fuming madness... Heightening and tightening my senses, my buds and anticipating clutches
Between my tinkling finger tips, dizzy sight of your wimps, crumbling wary voices, sniffing butchered nasal searches... I’m … breathing you
For every memorable documented un-forgiven fuck up...Non-negotiable soliciting eternity...intolerable wholeness s summed up in… breathing you
Standing small distant by zigzag opposing magnets, hunting different corners, designing an exit, determined to numbness, I’m still breathing you… devouring a fear!!! Praying you in, praying a breeze… pray you more, praying you … Believe ….freeze… standstill, choose not to be strong…choose not to let go, choose not yourself beyond all, choose not to rise above...choose for the love of breathing, choose me to stay!!!
Tempting a pray…
For me as your cross, with kneeled floating toes, up your chin comes aglow to the female in your god!!!
